The Knife

The knife is for those who cause me strife
my arm the landscape of your bites
that led me down this fateful flight
of angst and pain and fear
The edge of blood that took me down
was constant pilgrimage to your crown
you are first blood unglorified who makes the rounds
with your teeth of desire
and distinguishable frown
you make the knife go in and bleed
with savage thirst
to deny my needs
you with few words
erase mercy
you are the reservoir of my grief
you are the submissive Satan sheep
Dont look around
no one in town
to vaildate your middle ground
you are forgotten in boggy land
just north of the heart of where we grew apart
you are the one who brought mom to tears
you are the one who killed by thrills
so mater of fact with foolish pride
and your greedy wife who crucifies
your children of wrath
your inner scorn
your unrelenting chance to be reborn
your unforgiveness
your clenched fist
your death by steel
that I plan to dismiss
your fateful turn and lack of decision
your art of avoidance
and block headed precision
your false smile
your history
has made its claim
on my own longevity.

The Fact of the Matter

No one ever said anything about it during her life....or later. When my mother died July 3, 1998....my brother's family was there at the funeral. Did my brother's wife know less than two years ago that she made my mom cry and not for the first time? One time, my nephew had a soccer game at Lakeaires and my sister in law failed to tell my mom. Lakeaires is less than a block from my parent's house. My mom cried at the kitchen table. My whole adult life, my mom tried to get my brother to take his family to ohurch but his wife refused. Then when my brother got into a fight with his son and was mandated by the courts to go to counseling., Dr. Getahun Getahun from Ethiopia was the counselor at our church and my brother elected to go to him. He would call the counselor Getalong Getalong. Now, 11 yrs later only a few people in our family get-a-long, get-a-long. My brother has turned into a small minded thief of unrighteousness and a weaker person than ever assumed. I would like to make a new start and have many times tried, but the agnostic, uncaring personalilty traits have rubbed off to the younger generation aka my brother's kids. Not only are they rude, they have no vision for themselves in the world.

Mucho Pensar en Espanol

Sinceramente, no les importa lo que Joan o Cathy pensar. He tenido que hacer frente a la carga de dictar sentencia y días pasados. He convertido en mi propia persona en este famoso valle, un valle de sangre y criados inmigrantes, la esperanza y la desesperación. He vendido compró tres coches y tres. He abandonado este valle sólo para volver a terminar mis estudios. Personas dos mil millas de distancia son irrelevantes. Muchas personas no tienen como Cathy ... mi hermano de la esposa de uno. Sra. Conklin, que arrojó una bolsa de patatas fritas en ella. Vonnie Kohrs no como ella. ¿Puedes traducir esto y ver qué punto de vista estoy viniendo?

The final segment

This blogspot was supposed to be a succession for my past but now my life has been the past I have tried to avoid. Just to clear things up, the more subversive Cathy has become, and the more hostile my sister has, I regret things less. What is the payback for someone who has been undermining me for years and putting herself on a pedestal? I think the punishment was just. In 1980, Cathy quit drinking and ever since then she has segregated herself from do and not so do gooders. She is better than everyone else. It didn't make her less dysfunctional, more loveable, or more accepting. It made her into a biatch. Just like when she told my sister to move to L.A. Then when my sister got here, she barely let her sleep on her couch two days. I remember those times and how she iced me in 1988 with my husband. Its not till she got to be 300 lbs., did she possibly look back and think she was not invincible. She dissed my mom, Dave OB, Jane V., Darla, Kim and others and I remember each word from her mouth. That is what I remember. Perhaps she did take me out for lunch this Fall but it had to be on her terms. The once, fun Cathy has become the aging, destructible Cathy. I got tired of her bullshit and I did the one two. I didnt think anything would seriously become of it but now here we are.....in another room of mirrors and no one is lying. Whatever sincerity she intended has been washed away only to be mortalized by her spade tongue. Read Commandment 8, 9 & 10 and re enter your church or place of worship. Then you will know the true consequences.

ಕ್ಯಾನ್ ಶೇ ಫೈಂಡ್ ಮೇ?

ಕ್ಯಾನ್ ಶೇ ಫೈಂಡ್ ಮೇ ವೆನ್ ಶೇ ಡೋಂಟ್ ಕ್ನೌ ಮೇ?
ಕ್ಯಾನ್ ಶೇ ದೆಫಿ ಮೇ ವೆನ್ ಶೇ ನೆವರ್ ಶೋವೆದ್ ಮೇ.

Productive or unproductive day

I am in an mindset of transfixtion when I even have two hours to myself in daylight hours. Today I had math for 1.5 hours in the reciscent morning. Then I lingered in the cafeteria and libary at L.A.Valley College. I combed over historical facts necessary for my test Sunday. I planned and plotted and got everything done in a timely manner. I took a 10 min break to look for an interesting children's book. Who am I in this junior college of life taking my umpteenth credit on the horizon of intellectual spanning? Where will I be in five years? I was never able to answer those precise interview questions. I wonder if McDonalds asks, where will you be in five years? "Not behind this damn counter serving dollar menu items. That's faw sure." Maybe there is a humble quality in staying degree less. And maybe there is an insane paradigm for trying to be over educated. Education doesn't often translate into capitalitstic endeavors. And some genie in the admin buidling keeps thinkin up new categories for masters and PhDs. I am a master of everything and a realist at nothing. I go thru the driveway on the way home and discuss Plato with the Carls Jr. window cashier. English is their second language and they thought I was talking about the Platters. I looked in my bag five minutes later and I got the cinco meal, not the dos. I go to my room and nap, postpoing tomorrow.